• "What Time Is It?!?!" © Mo'iss Day
Student: "We've got time, there's 20 minutes left in class"
Me: *Looks at the analog clock, which says 12:30* "Nah man, we have 10 minutes left... You know by now that class gets out at 12:40."
S: "Ohhhh, yeah.. .I thought there were 10 minutes between each number on the clock."
• Student answers her cell phone in the middle of class and gets off quickly after being asked repeatedly to hang up...
Me: "Why would you even consider answering the phone in class as an option?!"
Student: "My friend said it's an emergency!"
M: "How would you know it's an emergency BEFORE you picked up the phone?"
S: "She texted me first.... I HAD to pick it up because she doesn't spell too well."
• The day was Friday, and my student was attempting to argue me down by saying that Wednesday was THREE days ago rather than two...
"Mr. Ferguson... It's THREE days ago!
*counts on fingers*
Friday is ONE, Thursday is TWO, and Wednesday is THREE. Wednesday was THREE DAYS AGO!"
I literally had to walk him to the calendar and count the days back to Wednesday to illustrate why he was incorrect.
• One morning, a 'Temptations' movie vs. 'The Five Heartbeats' discussion started with my class in regards to which one they enjoyed more...
Student: "I don't like the 'Temptations' movie... It's dumb. 'The Five Heartbeats' is better..."
Me: "You don't like it at ALL? Well, tell me why you think 'The Five Heartbeats' is a better movie?"
S: "Because it has a better story... AND it has better graphics"
M: "Better...........graphics? It's.... not...... a...... video...... game..... though..."
S: "But the 'Temptations' movie is in black and white and that's stupid..."
M: ".......The first TWO minutes of the movie is in black and white! The rest is in color..."
• I had on an "Activision" t-shirt one day with their logo from the 80's on the front of it...
Student: "Mr. Ferguson, you're not gay..."
Me: "What are you even TALKING about?!"
S: *Points at the small rainbow part of the logo*
M: "That's Activision, do you know what it is?"
S: "Yeah.... It's a television"
M: "No, it's a company that used to put out video games for Atari... an old game system."
S: "Oh, well.... I was close then"
• One of my students had a grand epiphany in the classroom when he looked up and saw Stevie Wonder's Talking Book album hanging up on my wall...
Student: "Stevie Wonder is BLIND?!?!"
*crickets*
Me: "Class?.... Uhhhhhhruuhhhh.... Is Stevie Wonder blind?"
Class, in unison: "YEAH!!!"
• I got into a conversation with a student about how I got interested in music and why I teach the music that I do to my classes...
Me: "I teach y'all music that you're familiar with, as opposed to say uhh..... Mozart."
Student: "Ohhhh....... That's a website?"
• For my Tech Heads...
Student: "My teacher told me that there wasn't any technology before 1996... She said that there weren't any color TVs before 1996 either..."
Me: "PLEASE sit down to read and research BEFORE talking crazy..."
(9th grade student):
"Get offa there and stop tryna fix that computer, you ain't no technique!!"
• In showing my class the movie "The Last Dragon,' I received these questions...
Student: "Is that Nick Cannon?!"
Me: "Is WHO Nick Cannon?!"
S: *Points to Taimak who plays 'Bruce Leroy'* "Him!"
M: "You do realize that this movie was released in 1985 and Nick Cannon was BORN in the 80's, don't you?"
S: "Oh."
Another Student: *Points at Leo O'Brien who plays 'Richie Green', Bruce Leroy's little brother* "Ain't that the midget?!.... The midget who died?!"
Me: *Running through my mental Wikipedia files... and mouthing the words, "Midget? Who died?"* ...."Wait a minute, are you talking about Gary Coleman?!??!!"
AS: "Yeah..."
M: *puzzled* "NO. That. Is. Not. Gary. Coleman."
The movie got to the part where DeBarge's "Rhythm Of the Night" video came on... El DeBarge is on the screen singing the first verse...
Student: "Oooh, there go Michael Jackson!!"
• Rules?.... What rules??
Me: "So.... Why did you get suspended for so long?"
Student: "Because I brought a knife to school"
M: "Maaaaan, COME on!! What did you do THAT for?!"
S: "I didn't know it was against the rules..."
M: *blank stare*
• Geography For $500, Alex...
Student: "Have you ever been out of the country on vacation?"
Me: "Yeah, I've been to Aruba, which is an island just north of Venezuela..."
S: *Puzzled look*
M: "Venezuela......... It's a country in South America"
S: "Wait, South America and Africa are the same, right?"
M: *Exaggerated screwface* "NO!! They're two different CONTINENTS located in two totally separate parts of the world!!"
S: "So you're telling me that South America and Africa are TWO different places?!!?"
• In reaction to PBS's website being hacked back in May...
Student: "Don't you watch the NEWS Mr. Ferguson?! It was breaking news that 2Pac is still alive!!"
• Astrology
Student: "Mr. Ferguson, you hear about the changes they made to the horo... hor..... horophoric?" (she was attempting to say "horoscope")
• Random
Teacher: "What is a thesaurus?"
Student (10th grade): "A telescope."
• An Old Favorite
During a school assembly, one of the students stood in front of the the high school students and staff to give a presentation. After asking a question to the audience and not really receiving a response, it turned into him 'taunting' his peers, which then in the same breath turned hilarious...
Student: "Man, I thought y'all were smart. Wait, y'all supposed to be smart right?!.... I mean.... Where the smarts come out at?!!?"
Educators, enjoy your summer breaks... Lord knows we deserve it. 'Til next time, school a child... THEY. NEED. IT....
